Savage Sentimental

The review of this movie is coming soon...

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Lorenzo

            Is Sonny around?

Man in the bar

            Yeah, I think he's in the back.

Lorenzo

            We can't accept that.

Sonny

            I didn't give it to you. I give it to your son, he worked for it.

Lorenzo

            That's right. My son. I don't want my son involved in what goes on here.

Sonny

            Involved in what? What are you talking about?

Lorenzo

            Please, I'm not a stupid man, okay. Please, I'm not stupid, you know what I'm talking about. Just stay away from my son, okay?

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A new cereal for the poor stays crunchy in water. It's the Onion Radio News, I'm Doyle Redland. Kellogg's unveiled Porros today, a new cereal served with water instead of milk. It is targeted to the nation's massive below the poverty line demographic. Kellogg's spokesman, Bernard Fitch: 'When your dirty, naked children try delicious new Porros, we're confident they'll find them waterfully delicious.' Kellogg's says the cereal also stays crunchy in malt liquor. Doyle Redland for the Onion Radio News, online at the onion.com.

Use this vocabulary below to make your own translation:

In case you don't know, Sir Oliver Mally's Blues Distillery is an Austrian blues band. No, there's no misspelling here, I really meant to write 'Austrian' instead of 'Australian'. I discovered their music sometime in the mid-90s almost by accident, and I immediately got fascinated by their authentic, natural and exciting interpretation of contemporary blues. Although they usually enrich their program with covers of Steve Earle, Tommy Castro, Muddy Waters only to name a few, most of the songs are originals and show a lot of variety and a unique approach. It’s not easy to lock the band in because the 'Distillery' part means to mix up the blues with a lot of different styles. I think becoming an internationally successful and ackowledged blues artist starting from Austria seems to be all but impossible. But these dedicated musicians did it. I can remember I was rolling with laughter when, in Andy Hamilton's hilarious radio comedy, Satan cited Austria as a clear example of God's imperfect creation, saying that 'He created the wonderful country of Austria then He filled it with Austrians'. But listening to their honest and energetic music, I think even God would be proud of having created these guys. You know, without blues the universe couldn't be a perfect place.

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For those of you interested:

I'd Rather

I'd rather drink poison with the devil, yeah

Than have a drink with you

I'd rather drink poison with the devil, yeah

Than have a drink with you

I'd rather end up in the hell now

than share in heaven with you, just won't do

I'd rather be a stray dog, baby, yeah

than to be your pet

I'd rather be a stray dog, baby, yeah

than to be your pet

I'd rather make my living out on the streets now

because you would drive me down instead

I'd rather be a prisoner, baby

Than to be your man

I'd rather be a prisoner, baby

Than to be your man

I'm so sick and tired of all your preaching

Even balls and chains

I said even balls and chains

I said even balls and chains

I said even balls and chains

Even balls and chains wouldn't change my mind

The review of this movie is coming soon...

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Keating

Well come on..."Oh Captain, My Captain" who knows where that comes from? Anybody? Not a clue? It's from a poem by Walt Whitman about Mr. Abraham Lincoln. Now in this class you can either call me Mr. Keating or, if you're slightly more daring, Oh Captain, My Captain. Now let me dispel a few rumours so that they don't fester into facts. Yes, I too attended Hell-ton and survived. And no, at that time I was not the mental giant you see before you. I was the intellectual equivalent of a ninety-eight pound weakling. I would go to the beach and people would kick copies of Byron in my face. Now, Mr… Pitts. That's a rather unfortunate name. Mr. Pitts, where are you? Mr. Pitts, would you open your hymnal on page 542 and read the first stanza of the poem you find there?

In case you don't know, Katie Melua is a British singer and songwriter, born in Georgia, of the former USSR in 1984. Her parents decided to move to Northern Ireland when she was eight years old, so it's little wonder that her bluesy and jazzy feeling tunes are influenced by the folk music she heard during her early years in Georgia, and the Celtic and pop music she grew up with in Ireland. Beside her charismatic stage performance skills, she is also famous for her extended charity work. She is a goodwill ambassador to the charity called Save the Children. Two years after the devastating Indian Ocean earthquake, she donated all the proceeds from her single 'Spider's Web' to help the organization's work in the tsunami-stricken area. She also holds perhaps the craziest Guinness World Record related to music for playing the deepest underwater concert, which was performed 303 metres below the sea level near an oil rig in the North Sea. Being asked about her ultimate goal as a musician, she said that she'd just like to continue making music that keeps her always interested and always wanting to make more: 'Commercial success is great but that should never be the reason for doing this job. At the end of the day it’s about art and creating something you love.' The song you are about to hear is from Katie's second studio album, Piece By Piece, released in 2005. This is magic time, ladies and gentlemen, so click on that little 'play' button, sit back and let her music embrace you.

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For those of you interested:

I Cried For You

You're beautiful so silently
It lies beneath a shade of blue
It struck me so violently
When I looked at you

But others pass, they never pause
To feel that magic in your hand
To me you're like a wild rose
They never understand why

I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper

I'll cross the sea for a different world
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold

In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met
They may not know
How much you meant to me

I cried for you
And the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper

Without you now I see
How fragile the world can be
And I know you've gone away
But in my heart you'll always stay

I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
That beauty need only be a whisper

Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with bosses in general. But I've always tried to stay away from the kind that makes me mad with their false superiority and pretended omniscience. The kind that tends to become definitely annoying by keeping saying things heard before taking a nap in some third-rate management training course. 'You always have to give out 100 percent' and 'best isn't good enough, you should try it harder' or, here comes my personal favourite, 'there's no 'i' in team'. How can anyone be motivated by these worn-out corporate quotes, huh? As no one ever told me exactly when to do my best at work, I think I might rely on this clever table calendar below. A classic bell curve is drawn up here with a peak on Wednesday. That's when I need to be seen as an extremely busy, effective and enthusiastic employee. If everything goes well, it all adds up to 100 percent at the end of the week. However, if you, my dear visitor, happen to work in the Hungarian public administration, this requirement is slightly changed for you. Your performance at work should add up to 100 percent only at the end of the month. Don't worry about shorter working hours, none of your supervisors will call you a lousy slacker, that's for sure.

Do you think you could write a better comment on the picture above? Then prove your talent! The best alternative version will be posted here - after some correction if it's needed.

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New high school alumni make successful use of vague graduation advice. It's the Onion Radio News, this is Doyle Redland reporting. Their high school commencement ceremonies are long past now but former students from Bourneville High have somehow managed to put the generic and unfocused advice offered by their class valedictorian to effective use. Recent graduate, Greg Lindsay is working hard to become a living example of the words 'go forth and become the dream you've always had': 'When I heard that it felt like my entire future just fell on the place.' The author of that advice, valedictorian Joe Ramsey is currently living out his own dream as a part-time heroin addict and struggling blowjob artist. Doyle Redland for the Onion Radio News.

This time you are given a short vocabulary to make your own translation:

Hetekkel ezelőtt egy baráti beszélgetésben ismét felütötte rusnya fejét a budapesti olimpia megrendezésének gondolata. Keserűen nevetve jegyeztem meg, hogy Pest-Budán majd akkor lészen olimpiász, ha cukornádlevelek susognak a Holdon. Íme a bizonyíték, hogy megint tévedtem. Mert ha már Haiti is nagyot mer álmodni, akkor éppen mi miért ne tehetnénk?

PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI - Kiemelvén az ország meleg, trópusi éghajlatát, sokszínű kultúráját és a valódi haszonnövények termesztésére alkalmas földek megművelésére vonatkozó hosszútávú terveket, hétfőn a Haiti Olimpiai Bizottság hivatalosan is bejelentette a 2216-os olimpiai játékok megrendezésére irányuló pályázatát. Az ország fővárosában, Port-au-Prince-ben tartandó nyolcvanegyedik nyári játékok szervezői elmondták, hogy a sport ünnepe be fogja mutatni mindazon látványosságok sorát, melyek még kidolgozásra, finanszírozásra és megvalósításra várnak az elkövetkezendő 207 év során. "Ez az olimpia lesz a legfényesebb, amit az emberek valaha láttak, feltéve, ha az infláció addig nem értékteleníti el a gourdot és képesek leszünk valamiféle tartós stabilitást kieszközölni a következő mintegy húsz évtizedben" - jelentette ki a bizottság elnöke, Jean-Edouard Baker egy lángoló gumiforgácshalom mellett állva, ahol reményei szerint az olimpia egy napon megrendezésre kerülhet. "2216-ban eljön a mi időnk."

Az elméletben végrehajtható infrastrukturális fejlesztéseknek köszönhetően, a haiti vezetők Port-au-Prince-t ideális helyszínnek tartják a játékok megrendezéséhez. Baker szerint a város gyorsvasútrendszer építésével küszöbölheti ki a járható utak és biztonságos hidak hiányát, amely "kis szerencsével" valamikor összeköttetést teremthet az olimpiai faluval is. "Ez az a hely, ahol elképzelhető, hogy sikeresen felhúzhatjuk a vizisport-központot" - közölte Baker, miközben egy részben megsüllyedt mezőre mutatott, amelyen rozsdás dzsipek álltak halomban. "Reméljük, hogy egy-két évszázadon belül képesek leszünk elég élelmet termelni ahhoz, hogy elég munkást vehessünk fel, akik elég szemetet takarítanak el ahhoz, hogy elég mély gödröt ássanak egy olimpai méretű medencének." Baker hozzáfűzte: "Ugyan nincs sok tiszta vizünk, de annak a gödörnek magától is meg kell telnie, amikor lecsap a következő hurrikán."

A javasolt helyszín szemrevételezése érdekében hétfőn a Nemzetközi Olimpiai Bizottság tagjai Port-au-Prince-be repültek, és sikeresen landoltak az ország négy aszfaltozott kifutójának leghosszabbikán. A maratonfutás tervezett útvonalán tett rövid és állig felfegyverzett séta lehetőséget adott a szervezőknek arra, hogy bemutassák mindazt a csodát, ami majd valamikor jellemezni fogja Haitit. Aznap délután abban a düledező épületben tartottak fogadást, melyet a helyi vezetők le akarnak bontani és a helyén többcélú stadiont építeni. Elmondták, hogy szeretnék a létesítményt egy, a jövőben - talán a 22. században - hatalomra kerülő nagy vezető után elnevezni, aki békét és virágzást hoz a haiti népnek.

Haiti az automata lőfegyverek kattogása és a területen bevetett ENSZ-békefenntartók őrjöngő kiáltozásai közepette fejtette ki elképzeléseit a NOB küldöttei előtt. "Valamikor a jövőben el akarjuk kezdeni a kóborló állatállomány ivartalanítását, hogy a világ nagyszerű futóinak ne kelljen azt a sok legyengült és elfásult kutyát átugrálnia, hogy célba érjen" - közölte a NOB képviselőivel Antoinne Darbouze, várostervező. "És igen, ha egyszer végre elég aszfaltra tudunk szert tenni, lesznek útjaink azokon a helyeken is, ahol feltétlenül szükséges." A fogadáson egy helyi kézműves is bemutatót tartott arról, hogy hogyan lehet az olimpiai érmek másolatait őshonos gyümölcsökből kifaragni, majd arany-, ezüst- és bronzszínűre festette őket. "Reméljük, hogy 2216-ra Haiti ösztönzővé válik ahhoz, hogy a világ legjobb sportolói itt versenyezzenek" - mondta René Préval, egy olyan ország elnöke, melynek kormányát ismételten a világ legkorruptabbjaként tartják számon.. "És ki tudja, majdan az ük-ük-ükunokáink talán kiküszöbölik a vírusos hasmenés szinte állandó fenyegetését is."

Annak ellenére, hogy a kis szigetország számos kihívással néz szembe, a NOB megerősítette, hogy Haiti továbbra is versenyben marad a játékok megrendezéséért, legalábbis abban az értelemben, hogy hivatalosan nem zárták ki a kandidálók közül. "Haiti előtt még hosszú út áll, hogy megfeleljen az elvárásainknak" - mondta Jacques Rogge, miközben odébbtessékelt egy, a falon tátongó résen át bejutott, és a nyakát az ő tányérja felé nyújtogató kecskét. "Sok tennivalójuk van még, fel kell építeniük a sportlétesítményeket és a szállodákat, ráadásul javítaniuk kell a környezeti feltételeken, ki kell fejleszteniük a pénzügyi szektort és meg kell akadályozniuk a polgárháborút." Az elkövetkező 200 évben még nem fogunk döntést hozni - folytatta Rogge - de miután saját szememmel láttam Haitit, azt őszintén elmondhatom, hogy kemény versenyre számíthat Atlantisz részéről."

Az értő vagy érdeklődő a cikk eredeti szövegét itt olvashatja.

Believe me, I've desperately been trying to give up smoking but all my pathetic efforts, um, have gone up in smoke so far. Why? Because I always went about it the wrong way. Because after trying out nicotine patches, herbal remedies, acupuncture, crystal healing, homeopathy, magnetic therapy and some yoga exercises for helping me to stay off cigarettes, finally I had to realize that the only way of kicking the habit for keeps is quitting cold turkey. Because I needed to come to terms with the fact that it was not cigarettes what I was fighting against but my very own mind. For everyone of you struggling with nicotine addiction: once you accept this, you cannot hide behind your foolish excuses like 'I made a list containing the reasons why I want to quit but I've lost it' or 'I've changed my mind 'cause smoking relieves me from most of my anxieties' or 'at least it makes me feel occupied, it's a kind of reward, you know.' Yes, I know it goddamn well and I wish I didn't... By the way, inspired by this picture, let me suggest a catchy advertising slogan for a new anti-smoking campaign: Cigarette? You need it like a bullet in the head.

Do you think you could write a better comment on the picture above? Then what are you waiting for? The best alternative version will be posted here - after some correction if it's needed.

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Az értőnek:

A Christian loan shark prays for the strength to break another thumb. It's the Onion Radio News, this is Doyle Redland reporting. Low-level criminal Kevin 'Nails' McNulty sought guidance from the Lord Almighty today to help him persevere in the mangling of a customer's thumb. Whenever it comes to the question of how to go about knee-capping or otherwise maiming a client, McNulty always turns to a higher power. 'Sometimes no one but God can show you, you know, the amount of pressure needed on a thumb that would lead to payment.' McNulty's relationship with the Lord deepened after he was visited by an angel who commanded him to shake down a Korean grocery store. Doyle Redland for the Onion Radio News, online at theonion.com.

Az érdeklődőnek:

A keresztény uzsorás egy újabb hüvelykujj eltöréséhez elegendő erőért imádkozik. Önök az Onion rádió híreit hallgatják, Doyle Redland vagyok. A kisstílű bűnöző, Kevin 'Nails' McNulty ma a mindenható Úrhoz folyamodott útmutatásért, hogy ügyfele hüvelykujjának csonkolása közben is állhatatos maradhasson. Valahányszor arra a kérdésre kerül sor, hogy hogyan fogjon hozzá egy térdlövéshez vagy ügyfele másként történő megcsonkításához, McNulty mindig magasabb erőhöz fordul: "Tudja, előfordul, hogy Istenen kívül senki sem tudja megmutatni azt a szükséges mennyiségű nyomást a hüvelykujjra, amitől végül fizetnek." McNulty kapcsolata az Úrral elmélyült, miután meglátogatta egy angyal és arra utasította, hogy zsaroljon meg egy koreai vegyesbolt-tulajdonost. Az Onion rádió híreit Doyle Redland tudósította.

It's hard for me not to get sappy when speaking or writing about this group but I'll try to cut it short this time. Well, in case you don't know, Living Colour is a hardrock band from New York, founded in 1986. They have been experimenting with lots of effects throughout the years, combining reggae, funk and many other sounds into their hard rock music. After getting their unique sound into shape, they found an unlikely supporter in Mick Jagger, who took the band under his wing, produced a demo for the quartet and helped them to sign a record deal with Epic. Starting with their debut album, Vivid and continuing on their two successive full-length studio albums, the band showed that rock music could still convey a strong and meaningful message (as evidenced by such tracks as Cult of Personality or Information Overload among others). Sadly, the inability to settle on a single musical direction caused friction between the group members and lead to Living Colour's break-up in early 1995. After a long silence, they returned with their most experimental release to date, Collideøscope in 2003. The song you are about to hear is the fourth track from the album and its lyrics were allegedly inspired by the September 11 terrorist attacks in New York City. One thing is sure: on the day when those hijacked planes crashed into the Twin Towers, the weather was exceptionally nice and clear.

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For those of you interested:

Flying

I jumped out the window to get to the parking lot
I'm writing this little song on my way down
Never in my life have I felt a heat so hot
I had to get out

Such a lovely day to go flying
The sky's so clear, the sun is shining
Fate has given me wings
Such a terrible funny thing

I was gathering up my nerve to ask out Carmen
She glanced out the window, oh my God
The room it went away, now we’re holding hands
Just not the way I planned

Such a lovely day to go flying
The sky's so clear, the sun is shining
Fate has given me wings
Such a terrible funny thing
Funny thing

I jumped out the window to get to the parking lot
I'm writing this little song on my way down

Such a lovely day to go flying
The sky's so clear, the sun is shining
Fate has given me wings
Such a terrible funny thing
Funny thing
Such a funny thing
Funny thing
Funny thing
Such a terrible funny thing